This day will always have special meaning to me, because it was a mama’s day 6 years ago that I found out I was expecting a little one.
She’s the best gift I could have on a day like this.
[this perfect Mother's Day card can be bought here]
Emma gave me a face-paint makeover for Mother's Day, courtesy of the local Children's Museum!
Emma’s new favorite songs to sing are from Mary Poppins (which I love *so much* more than the princess collections) — what’s funny is that she usually only sings one line, over and over again. So for the closing song, she just sings, over and over again, “Let’s go fly a kite! Let’s go fly a kite!”
Today we picked up a book I ordered a few weeks ago for Emma: Not all Princesses Dress in Pink. (perfect timing, no? especially after my recent “pretty” rant)
I’m happily surprised with how much fun this book was to read to Em. Here’s a cute little excerpt of the book, regarding princesses who work with power tools:
There’s another set of lines that read:
Some princesses roll around,
wrestling on the muddy ground,
then get right up to skip and dance
in tattered, stained and muddy pants,
and a sparkly crown.
Now these are princesses that I can dig. There’s even a page that talks about a princess putting aside her fancy shoes for shingards and cleats! If you’re a little overwhelmed by all the “happily ever after” tales on your daughter’s shelf, I’d wholeheartedly recommend this book to counterbalance the ominous Sleeping Beauty effect.
That said, I think I may have a new tact to try whenever Emma wants to watch/read princess crap stories. Rather than dwelling on the beauty of Cinderella or the naiveté of Snow White, I want to emphasize the other, more compelling qualities of the princess characters. So I can point out how Cinderella is kind to animals, and is able to find contentment, whether she’s in rags or riches. Snow White is giving and unselfish. Ariel is independent. Belle loves to read, and learn about the world around her.
Here’s hoping that by focusing on these other attributes of the princesses, I can more happily survive this particular preschool stage.
Pretty by Katie Makkai
This is about the self-mutilating circus we have painted ourselves clowns in. About women who will prowl 30 stores in 6 malls to find the right cocktail dress, but haven’t a clue where to find fulfillment or how wear joy, wandering through life shackled to a shopping bag, beneath those 2 pretty syllables.
About men wallowing on bar stools, drearily practicing attraction and everyone who will drift home tonight, crest-fallen because not enough strangers found you suitably fuckable.
This, this is about my own some-day daughter. When you approach me, already stung-stayed with insecurity, begging, “Mom, will I be pretty? Will I be pretty?” I will wipe that question from your mouth like cheap lipstick and answer, “No! The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters.
“You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing. But you, will never be merely ‘pretty’.”
[transcript here]
I’ve always had a love-hate (read: mostly hate) relationship with “pretty.”
Maybe it was because I was always the funny one in the group, the girl who had the “good personality.” And most of the time, I was (and am) okay with that. I don’t like the conventional and media-driven definitions of “pretty,” and maybe it’s my own bias, but many of the individuals who are considered “pretty” aren’t usually the types of people I want to be around.
Is it because we have different priorities and interests? Or is it more of my own insecure self-esteem? Who knows. Usually I just avoid the topic of “pretty” and focus on other issues that interest me.
Yet these days I have a daughter who loves to be pink and “princess pretty,” and once again I find myself confronting that word and that ideal. How do I sate Emma’s interests in the princess culture but not reinforce that superficial ideal of ‘pretty?’ It’s hard, especially when it feels like it’s me versus the “princess industrial complex.”
There was an article a few weeks ago in the HuffPost that has given me some perspective in this fight of honoring the whole girl: How to Talk to Little Girls by Lisa Bloom. A snip:
Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What’s missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.
Yes.
It’s so easy for me to compliment Emma on her incredible cuteness (and yes, beauty), or comment on her choice of (often wacky) outfit — but as her mama, I want her to aspire to be commended on more than just these surface qualities.
As much as I can, it’s my job to help her navigate the rough waters surrounding the word/ideals of “pretty,” and help get her to the other side of the contentious issue as a contented young woman.
Ultimately I hope she’s never afraid of being pretty, but also understands there’s so much more to life than being someone who can turn heads.
One of the most effective ways to describe why I support a woman’s reproductive choice is to show what being “pro-life” looks like, when its principles are practically applied.
It’s one thing to cite the emotionally-evocative platitude of “life begins at conception” — it’s another to see what life looks like when such a talking point is put into law.
Case in point: Georgia Representative wants to investigate all miscarriages
Georgia state Rep. Bobby Franklin want abortion classified as murder, according to his latest bill, the police will have to investigate all miscarriages to ensure that they were “spontaneous.” Here’s the complete bill.
Via Daily Kos: Franklin wants to create a Uterus Police to investigate miscarriages, and requires that any time a miscarriage occurs, whether in a hospital or without medical assistance, it must be reported and a fetal death certificate issued. If the cause of death is unknown, it must be investigated. If the woman can’t tell how it happened, than those Uterus Police can ask family members and friends how it happened. Hospitals are required to keep records of anyone who has a spontaneous abortion and report it.
One step closer to becoming a Pro-Life Nation — who’s on board?
[oh I can only imagine the spammy comments that title will generate]
Tonight I met with a reading group for the Saskatoon Secular Family Network that I help facilitate. There were only 6 of us (2 of them being under 4), but we had a great time of connecting and sharing ideas/miseries associated with being parents. Times like these really charge me up, and confirm for me the passions I have for building smaller communities in the larger atheist/freethinking/skeptic movement.
Right now I facilitate 3 groups/sub-communities in Saskatoon:
It’s funny how each of these groups reflect a passion of mine: family, (rejected) faith, and feminism!
When I first started up the SSFN, the first meeting we had had a turnout of over 20 people! I remember being stunned at how seemingly-popular this group already was, after only its FIRST meeting. But as cool its first turnout was, though, I really think that it derailed me in my “mission” (for lack of a better term) in establishing these smaller communities in the larger movement.
After such a high turnout, I spent the next several months feeling bad that each consecutive meeting would have lower numbers — I started questioning myself, as if the reason people were staying away was because of something I had said/did in leading these meetings. Looking back on those first few formative months of the SSFN, I can still feel the frustration and uncertainty.
Thankfully I smartened up, and realized that my perspective was ALL WRONG. It wasn’t about hosting “big events,” with monthly themed talks and the like. The *point* of a secular parenting group is to find support among other parents and family members who are choosing similar parenting approaches.
Since that ah-ha moment, it’s like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m just as happy with a turnout of 5 as I am with one of 50 (though it does help to know ahead of time the 50ish turnouts!). I recognize that there are amazing connections to be made in the smaller meetings that could never happen in a larger crowd.
And while there are still big, fun events to throw (insert Darwin Day and Camp Hoodoo), I’m just as happy sitting around a table of 4, drinking coffee, and talking about a parenting book with others.
I’m where I need to be.
Well, since my birthday is tomorrow, I figure I better put up something about my little one’s birthday, now two weeks past.
Here are some videos of her special birthday circle at school, and her princess party:
When I’m not hopped up on cold medication, I’ll be back to describe the joys of being a tomboy mama with a princess daughter!
