One of the books I’m currently reading is Dan Barker’s book (and partial autobiography) Godless: How an Evangelical Preacher Became one of America’s Leading Atheists. I’m really enjoying it, especially since Barker is someone from my tribe — he, too, was big into church and the American evangelical movement, but gradually found himself slipping away from the faith he grew up in, until he rejected it completely. Granted, he was more vocationally involved than I was — he was a missionary, preacher, Christian songwriter and music producer. (ironically, he still gets royalty checks for some of his Christian musicals!)
I’m fascinated and comforted by reading his story of deconversion, and I’m finding that I can relate to many of the faults he’s found in Christian dogma. Barker’s voice in this book is really engaging, but again, I think the main reason I’m enjoying this book so much is because we had similar paths growing and outgrowing Christianity.
While I’m usually not that big of a fan of marking up books, I’m finding that there are several places in this one that I just have to underline. There have been a few sentences that I’ve been thinking about over the last few days — when Barker talked about “coming out” to his religious family about his disbelief, he wrote that he didn’t expect them to necessarily understand or support his decision. Likewise, he also didn’t seek to deconvert them away from their faith. Instead, Barker said: “I have repeatedly told all my children that my love for them is not contingent on what they believe.” (p.65)
Later in the book, he wrote: “I think people should be judged by their actions, not by their beliefs.” (p.81)
What’s great about Barker’s book is that he’s got a powerfully simple way of expressing some meaningful truths. I’ve been mulling over these statements in my head over the past few days — thinking about what it means to judge others not by their beliefs, but by their actions.
For the most part, I think I already pretty much live by this principle. Admittedly, I know that I’m unrelenting in much of my criticism of dogma — but my critique isn’t usually aimed at the people who believe such things, unless these believers are letting their dogma color their actions toward others. For example, if you personally believe homosexuality is an abomination, but aren’t out there crusading against same-sex marriage, then I’m not going to quarrel with what’s going on inside your head. But when what’s inside your head starts to infringe (and harm) others, that’s when I’ll start setting my sights your way.
But there’s another example in how I try to judge others by their actions and not beliefs — I know, for a fact, that many of my family and (few remaining) religious friends think that I’m hell-bound for all eternity because I have rejected God. My eternal damnation is a sincere belief they hold — and while I may view this particular part of their dogma as a crippling, abusive, crowd-control type of measure, I don’t let that get in the way of my relationship with them.
Jerry and I are the closest, family-wise, to a brother of his who has beliefs that run completely counter to how we see the world. But this brother and his wife, despite their strongly-held beliefs, have always been kind and supportive to us — these actions, to me, speak much louder than any post-life damnation belief they may hold about us.
[Of course, there's always an exception to the rule: not too long ago the hellfire damnation belief reared its head toward Jerry and I, and led another family member to testify to us of our fiery future. Since that belief crossed over into an aggressive conversation (aka action), our relationship was undoubtedly negatively affected.]
The concept of letting peoples’ actions speak louder than their beliefs may sound completely foreign to the typical Protestant, “faith not works” type of believer. Thanks to Martin Luther and the Reformation, that three word phrase is pretty much a mantra in much of Christianity today. It’s a load of crap. (see, this is me attacking the idea, not the person)
It doesn’t matter what beliefs you may espouse, if your actions don’t match up, any beliefs you may hold are pretty much meaningless.
For example, lately on the Christian Internets (of which I subversively lurk), the latest phrase d’jour is all about the role of LOVE — Love’s primacy over knowledge, all of life’s purpose comes down to love, etc. Yet just this week, one of these believers who has been espousing love’s role in relationships decided to show me anything BUT love in an online exchange we had. Sure, it could have just been a flight of the temper, or just maybe he was just having a bad day, but when I hear anyone proclaim such platitudes, but then not follow through with them in real life, I just hear a hollow ring.
Ultimately it doesn’t matter what you believe if that belief doesn’t change the way you ACT — and this goes for both believers and nonbelievers alike.
Maybe another reason why I’m drawn to judging people by their actions and not beliefs is due to something more personal. So many of my relationships have been dramatically changed since I came out as an atheist. Even though I didn’t change, in a moral or ethical capacity, from the day people still presumed I believed in God to the day I admitted that I no longer did, I feel that there’s now a screen that many people view me through.
I’m no longer viewed as simply Becky, because now I’m Becky-the-godless-atheist, where no matter what I say or do, it’s judged differently because I no longer hold onto a certain belief system. My actions are primarily viewed through my beliefs (or lack thereof), rather than having my actions considered before them.
I don’t like it. I don’t like that now I’m held suspect, no matter what I actually DO, because I no longer subscribe to a certain ideology. Maybe it’s because I don’t like being misunderstood or misrepresented. Maybe it’s due to all the feelings involved with the quote I linked below, the “struggle between our desire to be ourselves and our desire to be loved.”
Regardless, since I can’t control how others may choose to judge me, I can at least make more of an effort to practice whatever it is that I preach — I’ll start by looking to someone’s actions before I judge them for whatever it is they believe, because their actions will tell me more about who they are than any of their beliefs ever could.